Twisted
by eine.hexe
Summary: AU. She wanted him to give her what he couldn't, anymore. So instead she settled for less, knowing whose fault it truly was.
1. Twisted

**Twisted**

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_Summary: AU. She wanted him to give her what he couldn't, anymore. So instead she settled for less, knowing whose fault it truly was._

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha and I make no money from this story.

_A/N: It started off as a oneshot, but I finally decided to take it one step forward. I know I wanted to leave it mysterious like that, but this is it: the prologue.  
Warning: Possibly disturbing sexual situation. Not everything's about love these days._

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**_Chapter 1: Twisted_**

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She opened her eyes reluctantly, almost afraid of what she knew she would see. It wasn't something that surprised her anymore, because every night was the same. It was a pattern. A bittersweet sample of what she didn't have anymore. What she could never regain. She could spend hours laughing at the irony of the situation: how fate seemed to enjoy teasing her with small gestures and events that would forever scar her.

Kagome's once bright eyes now didn't shine in the moonlight as they had long ago. They didn't have enough will.

Sometimes, as her heart beat steadily inside her ribcage, even as she was experiencing hardcore feelings, she could swear she felt… indifferent.

The pale moonlight glistened on her naked skin as she wordlessly arched her spine crashing against the bare chest of her lover. She felt a flicker of something rush through her; something wild, untamed. Something they had once shared.

Inuyasha's eyes were the same intense, liquid amber she knew so well. They were shimmering with unspoken lust, a passion that fueled their bodies in this ardent ritual. His grip was nothing short of violent as he nipped at her chin, her jaw, her deliciously sweat-covered neck, leaving a scrumptious trail of goosebumps in his wake.

It was sin. They were both primed for Hell. Eagerly opening their arms to embrace the dark numbness that enveloped them in such delightful agony, they kept rocking and moaning, letting the ancient, most primal feelings take hold of their sanity. Rays of dim light shattered into thin green threads as the moon glimmered through the empty beer bottles standing on the windowsill, their shadows landing on the bedspreads that lay tangled on the edge of the bed.

Kagome's brows were furrowed from the haze that had settled on her mind completely, never letting her do anything else than enjoy the horizontal dance of their joined bodies. For just one night she would forget real life, their hostility, the wicked feeling she felt every time she saw him. For this one night – she kept telling herself, like she always did – she would be his for the taking. She wouldn't ask anything of him; she wouldn't crave for his love, when she knew it didn't exist.

As if feeling her inner turmoil start to cloud her senses, Inuyasha brought his blazing lips to her mouth, pressing them together and sneaking his tongue inside, forcing her to feel its texture, to accept the wrong feeling that crept up their spines and didn't let go. Grabbing her wrist with the hand that wasn't tickling her sensitive nub between their connected bodies, he intertwined their fingers above her head, harshly caressing her knuckles in a frenzy.

Every ounce of restraint left her as she gave in to this feeling. To this act they were engrossed in. Biting her lip to stifle a scream, she rubbed his sensitive, furry ears with her free hand, pinching the tips just the way she knew he loved it. The small gesture had the desired effect, she noticed, as he stiffened almost unnoticeably before groaning out loud and increasing the already frantic pace.

It would always be like this. They would hate each other and then run into each other's arms at night to relieve the pressure. It was something she had yet to learn to deal with.

The clock pointed midnight as Inuyasha licked her collarbone, effectively melting her thoughts away as he thrust inside her incessantly, tasting everything she had to offer. There was nothing he didn't know about her body. At night, he _owned_ it.

Unable to stand the pressure anymore, since she knew he was ruthlessly teasing her, she frowned briefly before abruptly flipping him over and grinding against him, lowering herself then pulling back up to repeat the motion. She pretended she didn't see him pointedly watch their bodies joining, melding together. Panting and moaning heavily, she brought his hand to one of her nipples, urging him to flick it for her, and he did.

Soon she could feel that mouth-watering coil start to unbind in the pit of her stomach and she quickened the pace. They never said a word. This room had only ever witnessed their intense coupling and their frustrated grunts.

Inuyasha's gaze fell on hers, but he didn't avert it. Instead, he wordlessly urged her to do the same. There was no way she could deny him this now. She could never deny him anything in bed, as long as they were sheltered by this otherworldly desire for one another.

Sometimes, in moments like this, she remembered when he would smile at her through half-lidded eyes under the soft light of sunset before tenderly capturing her lips with his, the unspoken words behind the gesture telling her every little detail about the unadulterated love he had once felt for her.

It was those moments she hungered for. It was those same moments she wished to evoke, to relive.

But – as always – he wouldn't let her think about something for far too long, she realized, as Inuyasha raised his hips harshly to meet hers, triggering her climax with blinding force. She was silent for a small eternity, until her chest felt alive enough to release her whimper. He was still pounding into her, lowering her hips into his using his powerful hands until he, too, went still under her, inside her, around her, his eyes scrunched shut with fireworks exploding behind the eyelids. The only thing that told her he was reaching unblemished heights was the feeling of the hot liquid spurt inside her.

His heart almost stopped beating when he felt something moist and cold fall on his naked chest. A discreet sniff told him what he already knew – Kagome was crying.

Said girl kept her eyes trained on his face for a few fleeting moments before disentangling herself from him and moving towards the edge of the bed. Her life would never be the same. She was irreversibly tied to this sickening bond she had never asked for.

Kagome felt him shift beside her, probably lifting himself to sit, but she couldn't stand seeing him now. It would completely destroy the barrier she desperately tried to build around her heart. She was certain it would immediately shatter upon a first sight of him.

Her sobs were silent to her own ears, but she knew he could hear them clearly. The night was quiet, as if it tried to be considerate of her feelings. His eyes… they were always so lifeless, so impassionate when they watched her. They would only know lust or hatred, and she could barely live with that. Cruel. He seemed the coldest, most spiteful man on earth whenever he looked at her.

A firm hand on her shoulder forced her moist gaze to travel up to meet his. Eyes wide, Kagome stiffened noticeably under the stars' scrutiny. She could swear that for a moment – for just a brief, fleeting moment – she'd seen that most wanted emotion flash in his eyes, just for her. His twin molten orbs had turned glassy before promptly returning to their dull amber in the blink of an eye. Yes, she was sure he had allowed her to peer inside his soul for just one second. That thought alone was what gave her strength.

Her heart soared with delight as he tackled her onto the bed, biting her shoulder playfully and slipping inside her once again, eliciting a surprised, but deeply welcomed gasp from the girl whose heart starved for the one thing he could never allow himself to give her again.


	2. Flashes of the Past

**Twisted**

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_Summary: AU. She wanted him to give her what he couldn't, anymore. So instead she settled for less, knowing whose fault it truly was._

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha and I make no money from this story.

_A/N: I know I said I wouldn't continue this story, but an idea punched me in the face while on an eight-hour-long drive home. The credit for this long-awaited explanation of why Inuyasha and Kagome's 'relationship' is so 'twisted' goes to the amazing song 'My Beautiful One' by Xonia. The simple lines 'But it's time to live without you/cause I lost the love I had for you' sparked something inside my mind and gave me this fantastic scenario. This is merely the second chapter, a flash of the past, as it is also called. It's supposed to be short, because it's the sudden decision that sets the cogs turning. More will some soon.  
_

_I hope you'll enjoy, and don't forget to review. I love you all :)_

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**_Chapter 2 - Flashes of the Past_**

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The lights flickered open; it was the same dimly-lit kitchen with the same old, stale smell that was giving them so much trouble. Kagome traced the edge of the counter, letting her eyes linger on a picture she and her boyfriend, Inuyasha, had taken on the anniversary of their fourth year together. The same day they had started living together, as soon as Kagome had turned 18.

Their history went way back, with many ups and downs, a lot of shouting, a lot of making up, a lot of anger, love, sadness, happiness, childish tantrums for Inuyasha's part and unnecessary yelling from Kagome. But they'd always been happy together, and the closeness and wordless understanding they shared was sometimes eerily peculiar.

It was all fresh in her mind. The kisses, the promises. The love Kagome could read in his eyes, the way those liquid orbs shined for her even when he was angry at her. How everything he ever did was for her sake.

Kagome could remember a time when she would melt at a mere smile of his cast her way. She'd used to get shivers whenever their hands brushed or even when his breath caressed the side of her face in the morning.

Now it was over. There came a day when even though she could remember how safe she'd always felt in his arms, she couldn't return the passion anymore. The kisses became dull. There were no sparks, no attraction, no tingly fingertips when she caressed his heated skin at night. For a while she focused on trying to get those feelings back, but soon she discovered she'd become numb to his touch.

But Inuyasha didn't know. It hurt to think of how much they'd built together all those years – the trust, the familiarity, a certain pleasant routine – and how quickly and unpredictably it had faded away like flash fog.

It was all right, though. She'd tell him, get it over with, and they'd both move on with their individual lives. Perhaps now he'd take up that offer of studying archaeology abroad. She'd always felt guilty of being the reason why he'd decided to stay in Osaka after all, giving away a golden opportunity of going to a European college. She wanted all the best for him. He'd always wanted to reach his dreams at her side, she was aware of it. If they weren't dreams with her, he said, they weren't _truly_ his dreams.

Now he'd have the chance to pursue everything he'd ever secretly wanted at the cost of having to learn to exclude her from the picture.

She'd always be there, though. In the background, as a friend; nothing more. But she just didn't want to kiss him, hold him intimately anymore. All along, the flame had dimmed and now it was completely spent.

A bit of a draft wrapped her in tight shudders and she moved her eyes from where they'd rested on the framed photo to the fridge decorated in various magnets bought on their trips across the beautiful country that was Japan.

It was a fact. She'd work up a decent amount of courage and tell him.

Tell him how the feeling had went away. How she wasn't the one for him. Even though it felt wrong to think of him with another woman, Kagome ignored the secret, faint burn in her chest and decided to get brave. He had the right to know what went on in her heart. It was in the best interest of both, because she couldn't just drag this on; it wouldn't be fair to either of them. A flash of happy memories drenched her in sweat; it was so hard to reminisce.

For just a second she wished she could take it back. Everything. All those years, all those smiles, the whispers of, 'I love you', the scorching nights, heated looks, caresses, searches of perfection in each other's bodies and souls.

Inuyasha was everything she'd ever known. The only man she'd ever had, her only love. He was the one who'd taught her how to press her lips to a man's in a delicate kiss, how to touch a man and leave him trembling in need. He'd been the first, the path opener, and he wanted more.

He wanted something she couldn't give him anymore.


	3. Mistake gone awry

**Twisted**

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_Summary: AU. She wanted him to give her what he couldn't, anymore. So instead she settled for less, knowing whose fault it truly was._

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha and I make no money from this story.

_A/N: WARNING: Sexual situation you might not enjoy.  
_

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**_Chapter 3 - Mistake Truly Gone Awry_**

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She could hear his increasing confusion through the phone.

"Sure, let me get home," Inuyasha said, as if brushing off his own thoughts.

"No," Kagome snapped, perhaps too quickly, perhaps too tersely. She could easily envision his eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Let's…" She trailed off, raking her mind for an appropriate place for delivering her decision. It couldn't be home. No; there they'd be surrounded by memories, by mutual agreements, feelings – things she'd lost. "Go to Moni's." She figured a neutral pub with lots of privacy would do perfectly. If only she could ignore the furiously pounding organ in her chest…

Instead of asking why as she knew he was inclined to, he said, "All right. I'll meet you there in twenty."

Twenty minutes. Only twenty minutes and her life would change forever. She was nervous, but it was normal in such circumstances, so if she stumbled a bit while getting dressed, it was because of her weakened knees, and if her hands kept shaking, her racing emotions held all the blame.

She got there, but Inuyasha had yet to come. It was a relief, because a few more minutes would give her enough time to prepare herself emotionally for his reaction. Would he be okay with it? Would he be mad? She was inclined to think the latter was the likely feedback she'd get.

The calming chamomile tea the waiter brought was perfect.

A couple of heaving breaths later, as her lips were lightly pressed to the rim of the tea cup, Inuyasha appeared in front of her, taking a seat and looking as ruffled and sexy as ever. Sadly, it no longer affected her in any way.

"Hey," he said with a tentative smile which she returned.

"Hi," was her weak reply, before she realized she had to suck it up. She took a discreet sip of the wonderfully hot liquid as Inuyasha ordered himself a coffee – he looked quite tired, something she could always tell – then took a deep breath to calm her flailing nerves before figuring out how to tell him. She'd thought of so many words, so many speeches, yet none seemed appropriate now. It was best to go from the heart.

She shouldn't beat around the bush, but she couldn't just blurt it out like that.

"Inuyasha, I… called you here because I think I needed an impartial place to say this. I've been meaning to tell you this for a while, but I wanted to make sure what I was feeling was really unchangeable. I fought against it; I did, but…"

His eyes hardened when he interrupted her, leaning over the table just slightly to look her in the eyes seriously. "Are you cheating?"

That was Inuyasha. Always to the point.

"What? No!" she answered quickly, appalled that he even thought her capable of such a revolting thing. She would never cheat on anyone. Faintly, she noticed the way his features softened in guarded relief; he loved her. He truly loved her, and dear God, why did it suddenly feel like someone had shoved their boot down her throat? It was suddenly so much harder to speak.

He sighed – a long, heavy reverberation, laced with what sounded like fatigue. He really did look tired. "Then what is it?"

Another intake of breath, another tiny stop in the so-called regular pattern of her rapidly beating heart. Remembering what she'd thought about beating around the bush, this time she decided to just spill it, otherwise he'd grow really frustrated.

"I don't love you anymore."

It might have come awkward, but she didn't care. By the way his eyes widened just slightly and his lips parted in a trademark sign of surprise, Kagome knew he was aware of how serious she was. For a moment she thought his eyes were moistening, but she couldn't tell for sure, so instead she focused on his furrowing brows. It didn't seem like he was angry, just really, really hurt as he turned his head away. She didn't know what to expect.

"Oh, really?" He sounded utterly defeated. "And you just realized that now?"

"I told you-" Kagome stopped for a second, realizing she was getting quite worked up and it wasn't ok. She had to be calm and understanding. He was surely hurting right now, and not for the first time she wished she could share his pain. She took a deep breath. "I told you it took me a while to accept it. I just… there's nothing there for me anymore, Inuyasha."

"Are you sure?" he asked, his tone somewhat pleading. It broke her heart to hear his faint, almost silent whimper, the first indication that his voice was cracking. "Not even when I do this?" He leaned over the table in a gentle attempt to kiss her, but Kagome turned her head away, forcing his lips to land on her cheek instead.

"Don't do that, Inuyasha. I've had a lot of time to find out that your touch is not what I need, anymore."

A sting so strange and numb seized her insides when she read the pain in his eyes, the rejection he felt, the loneliness. She knew his childhood had been a difficult one, with no friends to care for him and accept him as even his family members ignored him, except his mother. Her denial of shared feelings and promises now wounded him deeper than she could ever truly comprehend.

"Inuyasha-"

"It's okay," he cut her off, shaking his head.

"But I-"

"It was to be expected," he mumbled, his voice sounding unsurprisingly bitter.

"No, it's not like that. I just… love fades, Inuyasha. It's reality."

"My love for you hasn't faded," he countered gruffly, but when he noticed she was about to reply, he brushed her off with a shake of his head. "No, don't say it. It's whatever. I'm just glad you didn't lie to me."

Kagome was tempted to allow a smile to come through, but she didn't. The fact that he was even remotely grateful to her for not having prolonged this suffering made her feel guilty that she couldn't love him anymore.

"So…" This was becoming awkward. The dreaded question of, 'Can we still be friends?' swam through her mind, though she lacked the courage to voice it. But Kagome forgot that Inuyasha knew her so very well, inside out.

"I don't know right now… I have to get away for a while, but yeah, we can still be friends." He tried a smile but couldn't make it seem real, so he settled for a slight pursing of his lips. His life would change now, and he didn't have the energy and optimism to believe it would be for the best. As it was, Kagome was everything to him.

"You should go study in Europe, Inuyasha," the woman advised softly, a gentle expression on her face.

"Maybe I will," he nodded.

"It's your dream."

He fought away the curt reply of 'Not anymore' and nodded instead. He seemed to be doing that a lot, what with his trembling voice. A _trip_ to Europe, though, sounded just perfect.

* * *

Kagome hurried to hide the discarded clothes from her floor. It was on a short notice that Sango had asked her to let her cousin, Kouga, sleep at her place for a couple of days, until she and her husband, Miroku, would get home from a trip abroad. Kagome knew Kouga; he was a sweet guy, though Inuyasha hated his guts for some reason. His stay wasn't an issue, especially since she had a very comfy living room couch he could use, and Inuyasha wasn't home.

The thought brought a mysterious pang to her heart, though she ignored it, as she'd done for the past month. She had no idea where he was; last she'd heard he'd just got in Switzerland, and she felt so confused and conflicted. Why wasn't he coming back? Had breaking up been such a hard blow on him?

The door bell rang and she had to quickly dispel all her straying thoughts before she answered. In front of her stood an uncomfortable-looking Kouga with his luggage. She invited him in and he smiled at her gratefully after the greetings.

"So… you and Inuyasha broke up?"

"We did," she replied simply, not wanting to relieve the moment. A simple nod was Kouga's feedback and she thought nothing of his silence as they made their way into the kitchen, where Kagome served him her famous pasta and he complimented her on her fabulous cooking skills.

A few other compliments and blushes later, they found themselves on the couch with glasses of wine in their hands, looking – but not quite paying attention – at a family movie they found on TV. Kouga was awfully concentrated, but Kagome, again, didn't ponder on it.

"You know… I've always liked you," he declared unexpectedly.

His statement brought a strange feeling through her body – a bizarre mixture of attraction and reluctance. Now she understood why Inuyasha had never liked this guy; he'd probably realized Sango's cousin liked her, though Kagome had to give Kouga extra points for not pursuing someone else's girlfriend when she was taken.

"I don't mean to sound rude, but I'm glad you two broke up."

Was that why he was there? Was Sango trying to set her up…?

Swallowing nervously, Kagome didn't know what to say. What did you say to a man that had just confessed his attraction to you?

She took another gulp of the delectable red wine. And then another. And when she got a tad lightheaded she realized her inhibitions had lessened considerably. Still, the decision to return the sudden kiss Kouga initiated was hers completely. There was a fierce battle raging inside her mind, as she was not accustomed to any other touch than Inuyasha's. She was used to _his_ fingers, _his_ probing tongue, so when Kouga pushed his moist and slick appendage into her mouth she nearly stopped. But she egged herself on, knowing that she needed this. She needed a distraction to forget about the guilt, about the contradictions she had been plagued with ever since the break up. Inside, she knew she didn't want to admit it – she wasn't ready to admit it – but she actually missed Inuyasha. Just a bit. Though it was probably out of habit, she reasoned, since being with him had always been second nature to her.

Now everything happening to her was part of a transition to this new life.

These thoughts made her ignore the fact that she was in the house she and Inuyasha had bought together and focus on Kouga's touch instead. His lips were scorching, his caresses gentle, as if he wanted to cherish her. Personally, she preferred the fervent ardor Inuyasha had always engulfed her in; the sizzling passion, as if she was about to be devoured.

Her eyes snapped wide at the course her mind had taken and she shook her head as if to clear it of traitorous thoughts. With renewed endeavor, her tongue trailed down Kouga's now exposed chest and she shivered when he removed her clothing. Thinking it appropriate to return the gesture, Kagome struggled with his jeans, and soon they were both equally bare and ready. She fought the urge to wince in emotional discomfort when he entered her, the thrusts he gave, though pleasurably slow and hard, making her want to crawl out of her skin. The wrongness of the act echoed inside her brain and slithered up her spine like a slimy serpent, but she kept going, kept bucking against him, pretending she didn't want Inuyasha to be the one pushing inside her, claiming her flesh.

She bit her lips almost at the point of drawing blood and a whine escaped her lips, though Kouga thankfully took it as a pleasure-induced moan. He couldn't know of the epiphany she was experiencing, the realization that perhaps she had seen things incorrectly. Maybe it had been a temporary loss of attraction. Maybe she should have fought harder, tried harder. Perhaps she'd focused too much on the physical attraction to Inuyasha that she had lost while the deep feelings for him had remained there, hidden.

Perhaps she'd made a mistake.

They didn't have the chance to finish, though, because the sound of the door opening froze them completely. Kagome's heart was trying to beat right out of her chest, knowing who was the only one who had keys to the apartment; Inuyasha was back.

Dread filled her to the toes and she couldn't even move – Kouga wasn't much swifter, either – so her ex-boyfriend caught them in the most compromising position of all on the couch they had done the same so many times before.

The disgusted shock that darkened Inuyasha's features made Kagome want to cower into herself, becoming as small and invisible as possible. She pushed Kouga off her and quickly put on the first items of clothing that came in sight, trying to recover the decency she'd lost.

She realized now how it must look. And in their house, no less.

"Not cheating, huh?" he spat out venomously, disdain clearly coating his words.

Kagome didn't even bother to contradict him – she deserved his contempt, because there could never be anything lower that she could have done. And the worst was – she realized she'd made a mistake. A mistake she could never atone for.

"You're despicable," he told her and tears dampened her eyes. She didn't let them fall.

Inuyasha took a short look at a now fully dressed Kouga, resisting the urge to redesign his ugly mug.

But he proved utter self-control when all he did was frown and address Kagome.

"I hate you." She shivered from the sincerity of the simple words, but waiting for him to finish. "I want my share of this house, so you're going to have to agree to sell it."

Kagome nodded; he did the same before going and packing all his remaining clothes in a big suitcase wordlessly. In the end, he left her behind a complete mess, crying for lost chances.

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_A/N: Hate her? You shouldn't, because things like this happen in real life, I promise. It's a fact, and it should be taken as such. Now that you got the reason, I hope you'll be eager for the next chapter. And thank you for all the good feedback :)_


	4. How it came down to it

**Twisted**

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_Summary: AU. She wanted him to give her what he couldn't, anymore. So instead she settled for less, knowing whose fault it truly was._

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha and I make no money from this story.

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**_Chapter 4 - How it came down to it_**

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Long hours passed excruciatingly slowly until she recovered from the shock of being caught with a… what was Kouga to her, anyway? A virtual stranger. And the way he'd apologized afterwards – making her feel she was nothing but a whore – made her skin tingle in obvious discomfort. The fact that he'd been inside her... that he'd tasted her, known her so intimately completely terrified her now. But she had no excuse whatsoever. Her choices were hers alone and she had to suffer the consequences on her own. Twice. _Twice_ the mistake, and it hurt twice as much. As if someone had driven a razor-sharp blade through her body, twisting it exactly where it hurt the most, missing just the right spots so as to keep her alive, torturing her slowly.

She couldn't imagine how Inuyasha hurt.

To her, it had all been a game. She realized it now. Their relationship had never been serious in her eyes. Or on the contrary; it had been too serious, and she'd wanted out for the sole reason that she was freaked out it was becoming too much. If she was truthful with herself, she may have realized what they shared had been rapidly developing in all the ways a relationship between two _young_ people shouldn't.

She regretted it; all.

'That was… it was _good_ while it lasted, Kagome,' Kouga had said in the aftermath, making her see just how inappropriate, how out of place he truly was. Unlike Inuyasha, who knew exactly what to say when she needed it. She was aware it was a two-edged sword, since he was probably so familiar with her that he didn't have to mean what he said; whatever he said, it came out in a way that would always comfort her. Kouga, on the other hand, made her wince with his _wrong_ words.

'Yeah,' she'd replied, simply because there had been nothing else to say. How could she have told him that he'd had the worst timing? How could she have… it was so easy to blame him, to make him responsible of everything, when in reality she was the one who'd screwed up. Kouga had been a convenient circumstance. A sign to show her she was unworthy of Inuyasha's love.

Maybe it was for the better.

She tried to get over it, and when she took up canto lessons to rediscover her true self – and black out every thought of _him_ - she forcefully induced feelings of self-satisfaction. She felt compelled to ignore all the negative feelings she was experiencing and focus on the happiness she had left.

But there was none.

* * *

Her heart was about to implode from the pressure. She'd heard the latest gossip, though refused to believe it. It was hardly a little over half a year after all. How could he have made such a drastic decision?

Everybody said Kikyou Dubois was a goddess.

Kagome hadn't met her yet, though she wasn't sure she wanted to. Not even in passing, otherwise she was almost certain she'd fall so deeply into a questionable depression that nothing would get her out of it.

_They'd_ met in Switzerland; some said it was love at first sight, though Kagome would beg to differ. _She_ was from France, older than he, with a Bachelor of Philosophy and a Master of Fine Arts. In other words, Kikyou Dubois was perfect. From what people said, she was just tall enough for Inuyasha, her hair long and straight (pitch black - just the way he liked it) the perfect amount of grace, of detachment. She was as if handcrafted for him.

That was probably why he'd popped the question. That was why they were to be married in less than four months. The bride-to-be, as fabulous as everyone deemed her, she had already bought the dress of her dreams, and everyone already knew where the ceremony would take place.

For some reason, Kagome had never felt more miserable.

She couldn't sleep at night, couldn't wrap her mind around anything else. So much time had passed (although it essentially felt like the blink of an eye), yet the feeling of closeness to him had never faded. She still felt she could go back to sleeping in the same bed with him at any moment, and it terrified her, sending scorching chills all the way to her bones.

The meaning of that she didn't want to analyze.

Every time she even thought about it, her brain functions would slow up; she'd almost break down nervously. But she had no right.

No right to even feel jealous, no right to challenge the confidence people had that Inuyasha was very much in love with that woman. Deep down she'd thought – she'd assumed – he'd be there forever. She'd expected him to be waiting for her, regardless of how many times life had proved it wasn't that easy. She couldn't just 'change her mind' on a whim just like _he_ now _wouldn't_.

But it hurt. And every time she gathered the courage to go talk to Inuyasha about what had happened – maybe become friends again? – words got caught in her throat and she'd hyperventilate. If that happened while simply _imagining_ talking to him, it was clear she wasn't ready to confront him yet.

Yet the rumors, they got bolder and juicier. Soon Kikyou became this amazingly brazen woman that accepted to display affection publicly in a not-suited-to-minors manner.

It was the breaking point.

* * *

With trembling hands she smoothed the dress that sparkled in the moonlight. It was hardly the appropriate one for such an occasion – it made her look too much like a prostitute – but maybe that was the point. Maybe she'd send the message without having to use words. So desperate she was to have some sort of interaction with him – of any kind – that she'd do this. She was prepared to be no better than a whore, to sully her image in his eyes forever.

Coughing out of sheer nervousness, she entered the hotel lobby, noticing how polished it seemed. She'd heard Inuyasha was wealthier now; Switzerland had brought a couple of work opportunities that had increased his budget considerably, but it was not a factor in her desire to approach him again.

Kikyou Dubois? Kagome didn't care about her. Inuyasha's supposed love for the woman? She was prepared to ignore it, to swallow it.

Anything. She'd do anything.

"Excuse me, could you please tell me the number of Takahashi Inuyasha's room?"

"Just a second. 204, miss."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Swallowing nervously, Kagome pressed the button for second floor and waited for the elevator to end its short journey to the foundation of her destiny.

Pausing just in front of his door, she assessed the site. 204. 2 plus 0 plus 4 equaled 6 and 6 was so not her lucky number, but she didn't care. If an asteroid sat on her face right then, she wouldn't care. Ruffling her hair, she took a deep breath and knocked loudly, praying Kikyou wasn't there with him.

It was just her luck.

Inuyasha took some time before answering – it was 2 o'clock in the morning after all – and he looked as if he'd been sleeping peacefully up until then.

At that point it was unclear which of them was more stunned: Inuyasha by her unexpected appearance and Kagome… it felt so long since she'd last seen him – to see him now struck her forcefully, taking her breath away, but she didn't lose her composure.

Without waiting for him to invite her in, Kagome took matters in her own hands, fully prepared to denigrate herself if need be. She pushed past him, taking her stilettos off and starting to unzip her dress without once looking away from his astonished gaze.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he hissed spitefully, no doubt realizing what her intent was, though he didn't do anything to stop her. If he was waiting for her to undress and then kick her out, Kagome didn't care.

"What does it look like?" she countered, now in her underwear. It was deep red – just the kind she knew would get him all hot for her – and tiny. She could see familiar hazy flames forming inside his eyes, making his lips part unintentionally. He was sneering, though his body gave her all the details she knew by heart that he was interested.

If there wasn't anything else, then at least she still had his lust.

"What's in it for you?" he asked, frowning gruffly.

"Nothing tangible," she responded before discarding her bra. What was truly bizarre was that she didn't feel self-conscious in front of him despite the awkwardness of the situation. Instead, her motions were completely relaxed as she moved to undress him. Inside she felt victorious that he didn't stop any of her actions. He probably wanted it just as badly as she did.

The game was on and soon he was in, too. But this time instead of kissing – he bit, instead of caressing – he squeezed, instead of licking he nipped. He pulled her hair until her head snapped back with her hissing out of pain. She didn't protest when he pushed them through the tiny hall towards the bed. The only thing she registered was that he was there and he was _rough_ – as if punishing her – and that she loved every second, every inch of it. His teeth teased her senses, but he was cruel. At no time did he show her any forgiveness, any type of kindness. He was going to hold a grudge forever.

This time around Inuyasha wanted to make her hurt, to kill her slowly – and he was doing an excellent job. His swift thrusts visibly told her that she was the only one who brought this in him, that it would never be anything more. He would never treat her gently– that privilege was Kikyou's now, Kagome understood. He clearly set the distinction between Kikyou and her, and Kagome was fine with it. She _was,_ she kept telling herself. His penetration reached her mind, her brain, the synapses and nerve cells and all the hidden crevices that made her who she was.

He wasn't hers.

Another harsh thrust and she moaned, arching her back like a tamed tigress.

He didn't belong to her, but she would always belong to him.

He didn't have to say it – _I hate you_ – because she could read it in his eyes.

Her fingertips tingled when he bit her ear and she squeezed her legs harder around his perfectly slim waist. Her nails – sharp like claws – drove through his hair, scratching his scalp reassuringly. It had become a fight, one that she wanted to lose. She'd lose each and every time if it got him to do this again. No matter what, she wanted to share something with him, anything.

If it came down to it, she'd… she'd become his whore.

His mouth closed around an erect nipple, his eyes locking with hers. She felt pin-sharp prickles traveling down her back, making her feel uncomfortable, as if she was intruding on something huge.

He made her quiver, made her insides shake as if an earthquake had settled inside her core, and she still couldn't decipher what went on inside his mind.

"It's no surprise that you're no more than a slut," he commented casually while slamming into her urgently, as if desperate to get it over with. She reprimanded his remark by pushing upwards violently, glaring daggers at him. He pointed the tips right back at her, though, proving he wasn't intimidated by her momentary rage.

They were fucking and they were fighting. It would never get any deeper than that.

Kagome forced herself to remain attached to reality when the climax struck her and Inuyasha grunted almost silently upon his release. They didn't care there was no protection, didn't care about anything really. Glossy sweat clung to their skin like a second layer of epidermis as they struggled to regain their senses.

Kagome wanted to cry, to hug him and absorb him into herself, but he wasn't hers to take. He belonged to Kikyou now. Kikyou Dubois owned his heart. Deep down she'd hoped to see that light in him once more, but it wasn't there for her anymore. There was nothing there for her. His eyes were diamond-hard glaciers that would never let her in again.


	5. When she makes you lose it

**Twisted**

* * *

_Summary: AU. She wanted him to give her what he couldn't, anymore. So instead she settled for less, knowing whose fault it truly was._

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha and I make no money from this story.

_WARNING: Evil cliffhanger._

* * *

**_Chapter 5 - When she makes you lose it  
_**

* * *

She crossed the street without checking to make sure she wasn't going to be run over by a truck or another vehicle of the kind. As usual, she barely cared. The big event was nearing - she honestly couldn't get those people who got so excited over such an outrageous wedding - and the only thing she could do was pray. Every day she prayed for hours on end – she'd exhausted every mantra in the book, although there was no actual request in her prayers – they just were. She figured that if she kept then unselfish enough, as long as the gods knew what resided deep within her core, they'd take pity on her and grant her what she wished the most.

Her outfit was conservative this time around, unlike every other night she did this. He – Inuyasha – had told her he was free tonight, which could be safely translated into: he and Kikyou weren't going to have sex, so she could 'drop by' – and Kagome did the obvious. Without minding her crippling weakness, she crawled right back into his spiteful embrace. It hurt – knowing he wasn't giving her all of himself like she did. It hurt every time he mocked her, making clear he'd never love her again, that his heart belonged to Kikyou. And Kagome read between the lines, as well: his body belonged to Kikyou, too, just like Kagome's belonged solely to him. Every time she touched him she was in fact touching something that _another woman_ had whole rights to. Inuyasha wasn't hers and it was hard to even remember a time when he had been that. Sometimes it was depressing to look at him, but Kagome took what she could, didn't waste one drop.

204.

Before long he'd move into an apartment or a house with his soon-to-be wife and _this_ – whatever it was they had – this _game_ would end cruelly, leaving her as alone as she'd been at the beginning. It was hardly fair, but Kagome knew she had no right to complain.

He heard her trademark knocking and answered the door in a pair of boxers that hugged his sack mighty appetizingly. She struggled to keep her eyes upward, though, and nearly started at the now unfamiliar look of anguish that crossed his features for a passing moment. When their gazes locked, every trace of longing vanished, making Kagome wonder whether it had been there at all.

She was wearing jeans today. The silver-violet top was the same one he'd bought her on their second anniversary, but the choice of wearing it wasn't intentional. Her hair was up in a messy bun, even though she was aware he preferred it loose and wavy – natural.

For some reason she smiled and immediately knew this night wasn't going to be like the last months she'd spent in his bed, welcoming him inside her, letting him pierce her mind, creep into her soul and rip her apart from within. In her naiveté she showed him her most hidden, most preciously treasured crevices and prayed he'd take them for what they were.

It was hard to think of something else than his sweat-covered body dominating hers when he was almost naked like that, standing in front of her, looking half-pissed and frowning in a somewhat elegant fashion that contradicted his general brash attitude. He truly was a masterpiece and Kagome spent every breathing moment of her life wondering why the hell she'd let him go in the first place.

Usually there was little – nigh negligible – dialogue and lots of steam between them, since they both knew saying anything would only serve to make matters worse. He didn't want to talk, had no interest in straightening things out, and Kagome had learned to respected it.

"Are you coming in or are you going to wait outside like an idiot?" he snapped testily and she entered, but not before nodding solemnly and holding his gaze for a total number of three carefully counted seconds. She was used to his permanently grouchy attitude – he'd probably been born with it – and sometimes it made her insides fuzzy to see such a familiar side of him.

"Are you alone?" she asked stupidly, already knowing the answer, as she looked around to supposedly check. It was evident he wouldn't have called her had Kikyou been there.

"Are you stupid?" he countered, rolling his eyes and switching on the light to the bathroom, opening its door. He leaned against the adjacent wall and crossed his arms, cocking an inquisitive eyebrow at her lack of reaction.

"Aren't you gonna wipe off your make-up?" he asked, gesturing towards the bathroom. "I don't know why you bother putting it on in the first place; you know I hate it."

"I'm not wearing any right now," she explained calmly. Her eyes were puffy because she'd been crying and her complexion was oddly smoother today – she hadn't seen the point in applying foundation.

"Oh," he interjected, visibly taken aback. "Then what are you waiting for?"

The way he worded it hurt her deeply. It blistered, made her want to cower away in a corner and cry like a baby, but she was thankfully stronger than that. He'd made it a habit out of making her cry, had tasted her tears time and time again, but today she refused to show them.

"I don't know," she answered truthfully. "Maybe I don't wanna do this today."

"That's cool," he shrugged. If he was even a tad disappointed he wasn't showing it. It depressed her slightly more. "So then why are you here at all?"

She sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, facing the window.

"I came here thinking I was going to do it. I wanted to do it, too, but now I don't feel like it anymore."

"You're different today," he cut in. And it wasn't the clothes. There was an underlying something behind his words that she couldn't make out. 'Less whorish,' he probably meant. Yes, she was more herself than she'd been this whole time, but it wasn't enough.

"Perhaps now's the time to tell you I want to end this," he said, going to get himself a glass of water as Kagome turned around abruptly, her eyes wide and lips parted. Quickly, though, she hid her desolation under a deftly constructed mask of indifferent surprise.

"Is that right? Why?"

"I'm moving in with Kikyou."

Kagome choked. Literally, with something obstructing her airway, she choked, Inuyasha ending up giving _her_ his water.

"Sorry," she said meekly, swallowing the last drops. "It just took me by surprise, is all," she waved it off, steeling herself to be able to meet his eyes and act indifferent.

"Right," he nodded, all of a sudden looking as though he couldn't find his place in the all-too-familiar room. The clock pointed twelve-thirty, but to Kagome it felt much later, as though centuries of ache had passed. She sighed in utter defeat, contradicting her previous wish to remain impenetrable.

"I guess congratulations are in order, right?"

"I love her," he blurted out. "I love her and you're not gonna ruin this, you hear me?" He made sure there was a lingering threat behind his words.

"I think you don't know me anymore, Inuyasha," she said in a small voice, wounded that he even suggested she'd try to compromise his upcoming happiness. While it was true she thought about it on a regular basis, she'd rather trim her veins before doing it. When all was said and done, the only thing she wanted for him was to find happiness. But this completely selfless wish hadn't just popped out of nowhere – it had taken long in developing and today she'd finally accepted it. The futility of her feeble, disguised attempts to win him back had finally registered, and Kagome was strangely at ease with it.

"Probably," he replied, shrugging nonchalantly, "So, you leaving or staying?"

Squaring her shoulders and loosening her bun on a whim, she relished the feel of long tresses tickling her shoulders. Kagome paused just in front of the door with the right hand on the handle. The bed was empty, but she could envision _them_ on it, biting each other's necks in a frenzy, scratching, _hating._ The walls had grazed her back so many times as she'd rocked against them, the carpet had burnt her so deliciously. She was saying goodbye to all of it now, leaving behind more than what she could do without.

"Take care, Inuyasha," she said, disappearing down the hallway.

"Yeah," he said from behind her, his words stamped in her memory as his last ever to her.

* * *

A colleague from work knew a friend who knew a friend who was friends with none other than Kikyou Dubois. There were three more weeks until the wedding, but her fiancé had already moved in with her and they were the ultimate couple. Kagome got third-hand accounts on everything regarding Inuyasha Takahashi, whether she liked it or not. On a deeper lever, she knew she continued listening to the disgustingly cheerful stories because of a hidden masochistic tendency.

This time, though, she was at a loss.

"And Inuyasha hasn't stopped praying. Even if you don't know him, Kagome, it would really touch you to see such a devoted lover," Ayame recounted with a sympathetic sigh.

_Lover._ Kikyou's.

Kikyou Dubois, who'd recently had kidney failure. Kikyou Dubois, whose blood type was B.

Kagome was a B. She could be a match. Biting her lower lip, the young woman considered her options. She could very well let Kikyou die – she was too unstable for the doctors to risk choosing her as the next lucky recipient of a kidney – but that sounded horrendously not her. On the other hand, she could get herself tested to see if she matched and could donate a kidney to precious Kikyou. It would kill every chance to win Inuyasha back, but at least he'd be happy. In the end it would be worth it.

Nodding to herself, Kagome continued listening to Ayame's pointless rambling.

* * *

"You're a match," the doctor said, looking over the chart. "Are you sure you're willing to take the risk? I'll have you know you might not come alive out of the OR."

"I'm sure, but I'm going to have to talk to Inuyasha Takahashi."

"Are you a relative?"

"No."

"A friend?"

Pause.

"… No."

"An acquaintance then?"

"Distant. You could say that, yes."

"Very well. I won't question your motives. Come this way."

Kagome was led through wide halls to a hospital room. 204. She swallowed thickly at the irony. Letting the doctor open the door, Kagome watched him step aside for her to enter.

"This is it, miss Higurashi. I'll leave you alone now."

Inuyasha's head predictably snapped up at the mention of her name.

"Thank you, doctor."

The young woman was transfixed by how puffy her ex's eyes were – he looked miserable. It dawned on her for the first time how much he actually hurt for Kikyou. There were two other persons in the room: a young girl with only one useful eye and an older woman – the mother, perhaps – who were watching her curiously.

Swiftly but with poise, Inuyasha got up from the chair at Kikyou's bedside.

"Kagome," he greeted with a mixture between a fake, hostile smile and a sneer. "What a surprise. Leave."

She lifted an eyebrow at his rudeness, his coldness rattling her to the core. Before coming here she hadn't expected to see him so devastated, so… shaken. Her courage suddenly fled out the open window; she chickened out. Barely keeping track of what she was doing, she closed the door behind her before she could stop herself.

"Who was that?" the older woman asked.

"Nobody," the only male voice in the room answered.

* * *

The ceiling was white and there was a greasy spot on it, maybe two if she really paid attention. The room smelled too clean; it smelled of chlorine or something similar. There was a bluish light coming from her left, though she was barely aware of it. Someone was asking something, but sounds were distant and her sight was becoming hazy, as well. In a matter of seconds everything became blurry and even though she wanted to hang onto reality for a while longer before the anesthetic kicked in, she couldn't help it when her eyes closed on their own accord.

This was it.

* * *

Inuyasha frowned in ultimate worry. Kikyou was currently in the OR with the donor and a competent team of expert doctors doing their very best to save her. They'd announced they had a willing donor only fifteen minutes prior to the operation, which was a bit fishy, but Inuyasha knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Since there was nothing better for him to do except pace nervously in front of the operating room like some kind of wreck, Inuyasha decided to go find out who the donor was. After all, he owed this person more than he could ever express.

"Sensei, could I have a moment?" Inuyasha asked as soon as he saw Suikotsu Sensei.

"Of course."

"Do you mind telling me who Kikyou's kidney donor is?"

"Not at all, let's see…" He followed names with the index finger in his chart, stopping at one. "Patient… Dubois Kikyou, right? Room 204? The donor is one, Higurashi Kagome."

Inuyasha went pale, his heart doing hundreds of monstrously fast laps per second. Kagome's completely unexpected visit from that morning came to mind and he felt like an idiot for kicking her out. The magnitude of her gesture weighed heavily on _his_ chest instead of hers and it threatened to suffocate him. There was a chance she'd die on that operating bed – hell, there was a chance they both would, but he'd had some time to cope with Kikyou's possible demise – but to lose them both he couldn't. Mixed emotions took over his entire body, making even breathing a hard-to-accomplish task. Words got stuck in his throat, thoughts slowed down to a screeching halt, and that's when he saw it. Two nurses, they were rushing to the OR frantically.

Excruciatingly long minutes passed until one nurse came out, sweat trickling down her temple.

As expected, Inuyasha ambushed her.

"What's going on? Any news?"

Instantly, the woman recognized him as 'the fiancé'.

"Oh, Mr. Takahashi. Your fiancée is out of any danger right now. The transplant was a success and we have her stabilized. Her body accepted the new organ, so any fears of a possibly rejection have been put to rest. You can stop worrying now," she suggested with a warm, motherly smile.

"And the donor?" he asked, a hint of desperation in his tone.

"There have been some complications, she might not make it through," she disclosed and he held his breath harshly. "The doctors are doing all they can, and she knew all the dangers before stepping into this OR so you don't have to worry about a thing, as I said," she assured him with a comforting pat on the back before stepping away.

For ten eerie seconds he didn't move, didn't bat an eyelash, couldn't breathe. A lonesome tear moistened his cheek and that was when he realized he'd been crying. It all came back to him then: _her_ tears, her passion, the meaningful silent words she'd placed behind loving caresses he'd fought so hard to disregard. He had been so desperate in clinging to the fragile feelings he had for Kikyou in an effort to forget Kagome, to make himself blind and deaf to her attempt to atone. He got the message now – loud and clear – but all the signs said it was too late.

Kagome really loved him. She truly, unconditionally loved him. Suddenly it was too much to swallow. She loved him truly, without any hindrances. Of course, he'd known since she'd shown up at his door, yet he had never thought it was going to last. Back then he'd tried to make her miserable, to crush her – now he only felt confused. Such a gesture from her really got him thinking, wondering if he'd pushed her too far. She'd done this because of him – _for_ him, yet why didn't he feel grateful? Even worse, he felt _guilty._

An unfamiliar doctor came out, looking exhausted.

"Sensei!"

"Are you a relative of miss Higurashi?"

"Yes," Inuyasha replied without thinking, blood freezing in his veins. "How is she?"

"I'm sorry…"

Inuyasha blanched.


	6. And when you learn to forgive

**Twisted**

* * *

_Summary: AU. She wanted him to give her what he couldn't, anymore. So instead she settled for less, knowing whose fault it truly was._

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha and I make no money from this story.

_WARNING: Lil' bit of steam.  
Wonder if I should make an epilogue._

* * *

**_Chapter 6 - And when you learn to forgive  
_**

* * *

"I'm sorry…"

Inuyasha blanched as the doctor blew his nose quite loudly. A lifetime of grim thoughts pierced his mind in that precise moment, his heart clenching violently despite the predictable self-denial. Wild palpitations wreaked havoc on his already fragile mental state, driving him mad with dread. It seemed eerie to him that the strong Kagome he knew – persistent, lively-to-the-point-of-annoying Kagome – could ever be overcome by something utterly silly simply because of a reckless move on her part. He remembered her always there, always keeping him from being impulsive. At a time like this he didn't even allow his thoughts and memories to drift to the pain she'd caused him, the concoction of feelings temporarily ignored; instead, he settled on one that rang loudest in his inner ear, one he had buried six feet under, throwing dirt on it with no original expectation of ever bringing it back to life. Now, however, it resurfaced cheekily, spitting in his face like a cruel lover.

He still loved her.

It was as simple as that, though complicated in itself. She was… he didn't even want to let himself go there – better to just welcome the terrified shivers and relish the fleeting ignorance. He almost wanted to stop the doctor from saying the words, as if not hearing them would turn all this mess into a scam and he'd be able to go back to hating her, or at least to the effort.

"… but she's very weak right now," Suikotsu Sensei continued, ignorant of the relieved shudders passing through Inuyasha's limbs and climbing all the way up his spine to lift the heavy weight from his shoulders and throw it away as if it had been feather-light. "She's going to have to be transferred to the ICU and be taken care of intensively, but the worst part is overcome. She's… lost a lot of blood, but she's fortunately stable now. If you have any questions, the doctors inside will be available for answers in a little while."

"Thank God," Inuyasha exhaled in sheer relief, realizing with strange detachment that it wasn't only her life that had been hanging by a thread, but his, as well. For just a brief moment he'd had half a mind to join her if she passed.

"Can I see her?"

"Not right now," the doctor explained, "but you will, soon."

"All right," Inuyasha nodded. "Good. Great."

* * *

Miroku had been in the room for a total of twenty minutes and in that whole span Inuyasha hadn't moved a bone. Not a wink. Kikyou looked as normal as she had when he'd first entered the hospital room. In fact, now it was almost as if Inuyasha was the ill one – he looked sicklier than she did.

Sango entered quietly, noticing her husband watch their friend look right through Kikyou with a mixture of resigned curiosity and annoyance.

"What happened?" she asked Miroku, hoping to distract him for just a while, because it seemed he was about to say something not quite entertaining if Inuyasha didn't snap out of his trance soon.

"Kagome happened," he explained simply, his lips pursing in remembrance of exactly how he'd found out about Inuyasha's… plight.

"Kagome?"

Sango was all too familiar with the story behind the twosome and was honestly surprised to hear Kagome's name being mentioned anywhere near Kikyou. She'd thought Inuyasha's business with her had seen closure. "What about Kagome?"

In that moment Inuyasha showed the first sign of existing. "Mind your own business, monk," he urged in a harsh tone.

Ignoring him, Miroku started explaining everything like he had no care in the world.

"Guess who donated the kidney," he challenged and his wife's eyes widened.

"No _way_!"

Nodding, he continued, "and guess who almost _died_ today."

Instinctively casting worried eyes to the bed, Sango replied, "Kikyou?"

"Wrong. Kagome. None other than Kagome."

Inuyasha growled in a wholly uncharacteristic manner, sending his friend a murderous look, but he said nothing more before redirecting his devoted attention to Kikyou's soundly sleeping face.

"She's fairly okay now," Miroku further explained to his wife, "but they won't let him see her just yet. Hence the zoning out thing. As if he couldn't do it in front of the ICU."

"I'm right here," Inuyasha muttered in annoyance. "Can still hear you, ya know?"

"Yeah, well you should stop moping. It's not your emotional default – that would be grouching – so there's no reason for you to be doing it. Knock it off and go ahead and choose for a change," the ever helpful friend _nicely_ encouraged.

Inuyasha made a face, feigning indifference laced with underlying irritation at being well read. "What makes you think I'd even consider being with Kagome again?"

What went on next was as predictable as Inuyasha's familiar mood swings. In the blink of an eye Miroku snapped, his restraint flushing down the toilet just like that. "Oh, right," he mocked, "Riiight. Cause you don't still love her. Cause what she did for _you_ doesn't matter. Not worthy of your attention, right? Still hasn't earned your respect, huh? Cause she's sooo much worse than Kikyou, who you _know_ wouldn't do something like this for a woman you cared about. Tell me, Inuyasha, to what lengths does a woman have to go to finally make you see that she cares?" To be precise, he twisted the knife in the bleeding wound even further, completely ignoring Inuyasha's deeply upset face. "Does she have to cut her wrists? Bleed to death? Or what? Does she have to be miserable all her life? Do you get to punish her by throwing Kikyou in her face all the damn time? What does she have to do? Die?"

It happened like lightning. One moment Inuyasha was there, right next to Kikyou, simmering in his suppressed anger, and the next he had Miroku by the throat, snarling at him like a raging dog.

"Shut up," he hissed, but even then Miroku didn't back down.

"Or what?" he taunted, "you gonna kill her yourself?"

A guttural, uncharacteristic growl pierced the tense atmosphere in the room. The hold tightened and there was a sharp intake of air, but no words were issued. Sango didn't dare say anything.

"Shut up, shut _the fuck_ up." More frowning, more sizzling nerves. The button just right there within easy reach, itching to be pushed.

"I won't," Miroku squirmed, trying to slap Inuyasha's hand away, but the grip was pretty potent and he couldn't risk getting choked.

"I swear to God, Miroku, if you don't shut the hell up…"

The threat lingered as the grip tightened and Miroku coughed a bit, surprising his friend. He saw this as an opportunity to push Inuyasha off him, which he did. Sango had to move fast. Before Inuyasha could lash onto her husband's neck once again, she placed herself between them, protecting what was hers.

"Inuyasha, Miroku, stop it, for God's sake. You're acting like morons."

Frowning menacingly, Inuyasha ordered her to get out of the way.

"I mean it, Sango. I'll kill the bastard."

"What for?" she challenged, looking him right in the eyes in a way that made him feel increasingly uncomfortable. As if he was supposed to somehow feel ashamed. "For telling the truth? For making you see what is lying right under your nose? My God, Inuyasha, you truly are an idiot."

"Woman, if you know what's best for you-"

"Look," she said with a sigh. "Kagome almost died, okay? How can you be so fine with that? I get it that you hate her, I get it that she hurt you like hell, but dammit Inuyasha, wounds heal, all right? Especially after what she did for you. Look behind you, take a look at Kikyou. She's lying there all _healed and dandy_ only because of Kagome, okay?"

Inuyasha's gaze dropped to the floor, his hands closed in tight fists at his side.

Miroku's sigh echoed in the whole room.

"Sorry, man, I took it too far. But I wanted to make you see the obvious. I wanted to show you that that woman really loves you. And I think you still love her, too. I've seen how you look at Kikyou and it's not _it._ You might think you love Kikyou, man, but it's not the same way you used to look at Kagome."

Miroku felt a hand on his shoulder from his wife that was now behind him.

"I'm not saying you marry Kagome, but at least... just stop hating her. She loves you, she really does. If risking her life for the life of the woman you love doesn't make you see that, I don't know what will."

"Fuck," Inuyasha whispered through gritted teeth. "I know. I know all that shit. I know she loves me, I get what she did for me, I know she almost died because of me, _for_ me." Surprising the two onlookers, Inuyasha raised bloodshot eyes at them, his voice shaking, "Don't you think I know all that?"

"My God," Sango whispered at the same time Miroku managed to mumble a staggered "Holy _shit_…"

"Get out," Inuyasha ordered, turning his back on them as if having decided they'd seen enough of his vulnerability for one day. His weakness was not an issue to be discussed in Kikyou's hospital room. "I want be alone," he added, knowing that would shut them up for a change. Wordlessly, they left the room, leaving him to his thoughts.

Miroku was right. Every word, every comma. Sango was, too, but even if recent actions weighed heavily, he still could erase the past from his mind. It was still there, still deeply engraved. The image of Kagome's legs spread open on their couch with another man between them still lit his nerves afire. He knew that people made mistakes, that human nature worked that way, but sometimes it was just so hard to move on. Kagome's atonement spoke volumes, though. She'd reduced herself to a nobody for him, had misplaced her dignity for his pleasure, had put her life on the line for his mere comfort, his happiness. She clearly loved him to death, and did it matter that he loved her, too? More than Kikyou, more than any other person in the world, he still adored her to bits.

* * *

The room was small and there were no flowers or candies or cards or teddy bears, but honestly, what did she expect? When Kagome opened her eyes, she expected to be met by silence and not by the most amazing irises she'd even known.

"Inuyasha," she breathed out, her voice sounding strangely not hers – scratchy in a way that disturbed her hearing.

"How are you feeling?" he asked cautiously, fetching her a glass of water as if reading her needs, making it hard for her to decipher whether there was any worry in his tone. It was childish of her to even wish for it.

"I'm just… fine. How's Kikyou?" she inquired, oblivious to his sudden tension.

"She's great, thanks to you."

"I'm glad," she said in a small voice, looking as if she meant every syllable.

"I know."

He glanced out the window for a while, his mind clearly elsewhere. With Kikyou, she supposed. He was sitting down right next to her bed but it felt as though he was miles away and Kagome wished he'd leave her alone. She wanted him out of her life; she wanted to have some space, to have the air free of his heady, masculine scent that seemed to be haunting her. In a nutshell, she needed time to heal, and not only physically. If she had to, she would admit that it stung like a bitch, but she pushed the pain away to deal with later.

"Look, I think we should talk," he suggested unexpectedly and she decided to let him do his thing. It seemed as though he'd prepared this speech for a long time and maybe it was time they told each other what they felt. Things had to get clear between them or she'd be crazy.

"It's my fault," he said. "This… thing. It got out of hand. It shouldn't have come to this. That first night when you came? I shouldn't have let you in back then. I knew you loved me and that's why I decided to hurt you, even if it was a double-edged sword."

"Oh my God," she said with a defensive laugh meant to sound indifferent, unconsciously looking anywhere but at him. He noticed this and cringed. "Great, really. It's good to know that… I've been making a fool of myself all this time, huh?" she commented, clearly offended.

"It's not like that, Kagome; look-"

"Go, okay?" she begged, too defeated to sound firm. "Please. I can't deal with this right now – I've just got up. Go, yeah?"

"All right," he conceded, getting up. "Fine, I-"

"I know what you're going to say to me," she interrupted. "Don't."

He nodded, knowing she probably didn't have a clue that he'd intended to let her know he'd think about forgiving her for the past.

He just didn't know what to do anymore.

* * *

Three weeks passed and Kagome was worse than she'd envisioned. Not even the fabulous backrub from her top girlfriend, Jakotsu, could improve her pathetic mood.

Inuyasha was surely married by now. For all she knew, he could be sipping a dry Martini – his favorite drink – next to his wife in Bahamas or making love to her on a wide beach under the hot sun.

Groaning in misery, Kagome downed another vodka shot. This particular brand scorched her throat deliciously, just enough to inflict a sensual sting. Tears wouldn't leak out because she'd learned how to rein them. Even so, it seemed as though Jakotsu could feel her misery as he shook his head.

"Stop judging me," she groaned, burying her face in a firm pillow. On second thought, she had the assistant pour her another shot and downed it in a frighteningly quick gulp.

"Take it easy, love. You might hurt yourself," the gay massage artist advised.

"I'm one kidney short, Jak, not a cripple or a baby," she complained, going for another shot of the wonderfully burning liquid.

"Stop calling me Jak. It makes me feel so manly," he said with a disgusted shudder.

"Right," Kagome giggled, enjoying the wonders of a talented hand.

"Listen, love, are you sure you don't wanna call Sango yet?" Her shoulders tensed under his magical fingers. "I take that as a no," he answered himself.

"Remind me why I told you what happened again," Kagome muttered groggily.

"Because you – oh, hold on."

The comfortable warmth of the fingers was gone, but Kagome had neither the energy, nor the lucidity to argue the loss.

"Speaking," Jakotsu answered the phone. "Really? Oh. Wow, then… Absolutely. Totally fab. A friend of a what? Oh, right. I'll make sure it goes that way then. Ta."

"Who was that?" Kagome asked, pleased that the talented hands were back to working out the kinks in her back. There was so much tension there…

"Just a friend who told me Takahashi is still a bachelor," Jakotsu commented casually, pretending not to notice the way Kagome's muscles contracted out of sheer surprise.

"Oh?"

"He's not marrying Kikyou at all, this friend tells me."

"He isn't?"

Kagome got up, suddenly looking drastically more sober. She tried to ignore the wild hammering of her heart and the annoying humming in her ears, but it was an impossible feat to pull. "He really isn't? Why?"

"Because he doesn't love her."

"He doesn't?"

"Baby girl, if I say he doesn't, then he doesn't."

In a flash there was nothing on the massage table that Jakotsu could work with. Kagome was gone just like that.

* * *

Miroku had said this would work. He'd guaranteed. Truthfully, Inuyasha hadn't heard from her in two weeks – since she'd mysteriously disappeared – and frankly he couldn't wait to see her. He understood why she'd left so unexpectedly; everything was probably hard on her – but ultimately it had been a poor decision on her part. Lately, it seemed that everything they did was brash and reckless.

Inuyasha was ready to forgive and forget. It was finally time to draw a line and admit that he could not be himself without Higurashi Kagome. He simply needed her to function as she was his better half, even with all of her shortcomings, because he knew her inside-out. It was how he was convinced she'd fight for what had once belonged to her. If she won this last fight, he'd finally give her the victory over the war.

"So what do you call that stunt you pulled earlier?" Miroku asked, sounding more ticked off than anything else. It was Inuyasha's fault he was going to be deprived of amazing sex with his wife for a week, not his.

"I call that checkmating your ass to the next galaxy and back. Unless, of course, there's a better way of wording it, which I doubt," Inuyasha joked, trying to distract himself from thinking of sex… with Kagome… naked on a beach, riding him – or perhaps a dry Martini, an olive and a teasing tongue wrapping around it, perhaps some sexy lines leading to raw sex on the hot sand. Gulping audibly, Inuyasha focused on the task of further humiliating his friend. It was Miroku's fault his mind had taken such a lecherous path after all. Now that there was no Kikyou to stand between them – he'd broken up with her a while after her recovery – he found it a hell of a lot easier to let his mind wander to dangerous territories that included dirty bed sheets and naked bodies writhing between them.

* * *

Somehow Kagome knew he was waiting. She was out of witty lines this time, had no energy to conjure any, but hoped her passion would make up for it.

204. She was here once again – she couldn't believe she was here. Nervousness struck her subtly, but she remembered what Jakotsu had repeatedly told her: "Go get your man, baby girl. Grab him and kiss him then fuck him, and then never let him go, fab?"

Got it. Kagome knocked once, twice, just like she used to. With record speed, Inuyasha opened the door, his smile dazzling and hers the same. He invited her in wordlessly, offered her something to drink, and generally simply watched her until the patience inside him snapped like a dry twig.

He reached out and pulled her against his chest, pressing his lips against her puffy ones like there was no tomorrow.

"No words, okay?" he told her before the meshing of lips and battle of tongues.

"We wouldn't want to ruin this," she whispered against his mouth breathlessly, step by step regaining all traces of lost self-confidence. It was not a process of reacquainting, but one of discovery. He discovered beauty in her actions, elegance in the way she touched his chest, his abs, trailing a blazing path downward to his crotch. Inhaling sharply, he felt her hand on his hardness, wondered at the strangely new feeling. The scent of her seeped into his bloodstream so swiftly that he got confused whether this was his ecstasy or hers. A cacophony of moans and groans intruded on his silence as his fingers thrust in and out of her. Kagome was beautiful as she thrashed around, naked like she was, arching her back in an animalistic fashion that awakened every beastly instinct inside him. His tongue licked, his teeth nipped gently, he nibbled. He groaned and thrust, the feel of her so tight, so fresh, so unbelievably _hot._ He changed angles and she went crazy, her toes curling, hands shaking. Without meaning to, she unleashed the rivers of desire that she'd kept locked inside.

Gravity was defied with instinctive positions as he took her in every way that he knew how. He wanted every fiber of her to feel that she belonged to him.

This time, though, he belonged to her, as well.

* * *

It was so far into their past that it was almost foreign now, but Kagome could remember a time when his eyes had held nothing but cold, sadistic hatred for her, as if Pandora's box had been opened because of her. Sometimes she still shed tears for those days, recounting all the pain, all the mistakes. It still hurt, but she was over it. There was no doubt that sometimes he still thought about the ways she'd hurt him, but hate was a side of love that she didn't want to let go of just yet. It was exactly what made her treasure what she now had, what was solely _hers._

He was her first and was going to be her last, and Kagome knew that this time around she wouldn't change it for the world.

Holding up the stick, she sighed. Negative again. A figure appeared behind her, kissing her neck sensually enough to light a spark of desire inside her core.

"So? Are we going to have a baby?"

"Not yet," Kagome answered as she turned into her husband's embrace, holding his gaze seriously.

"Well, we'll keep trying then," he decided with a smirk. "Trying is fun." His wink and seductive grin sent tingles all the way up to her nape even before he picked her up to take her to bed without having sleep on their list of activities to do.

"Seriously now, Inuyasha – I might not get pregnant at all," she warned, her back arching off the sheets as his skilled tongue teased her relentlessly. Nonchalantly, he lifted his glistening face from between her legs, shrugging.

"Then we'll adopt. Stop worrying, woman, and enjoy this."

And she did, right when he made her scream again.


End file.
